There is an omnidirectional officiating problem in sports these days.
After a series of high-profile referee blunders, officiating in the NFL is currently melting down like Chernobyl reactor No. 4 in 1986.
The state of NBA officiating is not far behind. Last week refereeing ineptitude drove one coach to an existential crisis, while another turned his press conference into a presentation, props and all. MLB’s been so displeased with the state of its umps for so long that it’s flirting with replacing them with robots.
Abroad things are even worse.
Spanish soccer’s battling a scandal that involves an officiating VP gladly accepted millions of dollars in nebulous payments from F.C. Barcelona for let’s see here NEARLY TWENTY YEARS?!
Over in England, the clunky implementation of VAR has left pretty much everyone in English soccer miserable. English football fans have been letting pints fly after goals for time immemorial, and now they’re hesitant to for fear of the goal being waved off because a midfielder was a hair offside in the buildup
I am here to solve these problems. I reffed hockey for a few years in high school (the gas tank of my 1996 Chevy Corsica wasn’t going to fill up itself), so I am wholly qualified.
Good refs, I think, should want to keep the game from going off the boil with a consistent level of rule enforcement, but mostly they should aim to not be noticed. A good ref is a tertiary character that shows up, delivers the protagonists crucial information, then promptly exits stage left.
Good refs do not relish opportunities to remind players of how important they are.
Refereeing, even at amateur levels so low that the players are too young to even pour their own bowls of cereal, is hard. Rulebooks are often byzantine and twice as long as they need to be, and the course of play at a professional level is comically fast, and players have spent the last decade finding ways to gain an edge by gaming the rules.
Refs need better support systems. They also need to be motivated to actually get better. Thanks to my crucial experience in the profession, I offer the following, simple four-step program to fix the state of officiating in sports. I mean all of this sincerely.
Disband Barça.
This is simple. They have gotten away with being like this for simply too long. Moving on.
On video reviews, allow only three replays, at full speed.
Players have to make all their most important snap decisions in real time, and it’s only fair that refs have to rely on the naked eye as well. Besides, lengthy review delays are dreadful for games’ momentum and for the viewers at home. If something’s not apparent after seeing it three times, the initial call should stand.
Institute promotion and relegation for refs.
Imagine that the NFL had a framework through which ref crews are graded on accuracy and consistency.
After the Lions-Cowboys debacle a few weeks ago, Brad Allen’s crew would be so far down the table that they’d be sent down to the Big 10 to ref games like Iowa-Minnesota; contests wherein both teams have more punts than completed passes. If consequences like that wouldn’t motivate crews to actually call better games, nothing will.
Let refs be human.
In June 2010, MLB umpire Jim Joyce missed a call that would have given Armanda Galarraga a perfect game. It’s a famous call that you probably remember.
What’s less remembered is how after the game, Joyce stepped out and held a press conference outside the umpires’ clubhouse.
“This isn’t a call. This is a history call. And I kicked the shit out of it,” Joyce said. ”There’s nobody that feels worse than I do…I took a perfect game away from that kid over there that worked his ass off all night.”
When asked about Joyce’s mistake, Galarraga said, without a lick of snark, ”Nobody's perfect.” The next day Galarraga presented a teary-eyed Joyce with the lineup card before the game.
Maybe I’m a sucker, but I think stuff like this matters, like really matters. Joyce could have easily turtled and not said anything, or doubled down on his call. But he didn’t, and he’s respected for it. Turns out people appreciate when others admit and own their mistakes. Who knew?!
Leagues are prone to standing by their refs, no matter how badly a call gets botched, which is good! But refs should also be able explain why they made the calls they did, just as players talk to the press after games.
Joyce and Galarraga are both better off for Joyce having owned his mistake. Missed calls aren’t rare, but refs that take ownership of theirs are.
About the name change
“Upon Further Review” is the first thing refs say to the crowd after reviewing a previous play, and while I think video review in sports might have gone off the boil, many things on this here planet do require further review.
This blog is where I will pull back on the zebra stripes and take a closer look at things like the Pony Express, Jackass Forever and one of the greatest songs ever written, This Modern Love by Bloc Party.
I’ll also continue writing the occasional recipe and personal essay, among other tomfoolery, but it felt appropriate to give this place a proper name. I hope you enjoy it.