When people leave Richmond for greener pastures only to return a few years later when things go south (a trend Edgar Allan Poe started in 1835, not kidding, look it up), a common explanation they’ll give for coming back is, “Oh, I just missed the seasons.”
That is a lie. Virginia having definable seasons is a lie, and that a proper, months-long spring exists is probably the most callous lie within that lie.
This happens because every year there’s a 10-day stretch in mid-September that’s so idyllic that it flushes our memories of the fact that we get, at best, six weeks of true autumn and spring weather combined.
That fortnight in the late summer is so perfectly warm but not humid, so ideally suited for hanging out outside no matter the time of day, that it brainwashes us and leads to us telling ourselves the lie that we have seasons.
There’s a chance spring might actually last longer than I’m letting on and I just can’t notice it, because it’s hiding underneath the nationally-ranked blanket of pollen that hangs over the city every second quarter.
But — shh, don’t make too much noise or you’ll scare it off — spring does exist, and it’s here with us right now. And its arrival is marked by the emergence of the ideal outfit: shorts and a sweatshirt.
Shorts and a sweatshirt lets you say, “Yeah we’ll take a table on the patio,” without fear that you’ll be shivering once the sun goes down. Shorts and a sweatshirt is what you wear when you’re having coffee on a beach house deck on vacation. Shorts and a sweatshirt is the safe harbor you pull into after a long voyage through winter.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about shorts and it’s my professional opinion that, while perfect conditions for shorts and a sweatshirt weather varies from person to person, for me, it’s between 66° and 76°. I acknowledge that is much too warm for most, but I am a fragile flower that starts a-wiltin’ at any temperature below 80°. I envy those that reach for shorts and a sweatshirt in the 50° to 70° range.
I take my shorts and a sweatshirt with a fleece pullover hoodie and stretchy 5” shorts, but I respect and admire all variations. The baggy hoodie and extra-long-shorts that John Fetterman rode all the way to D.C.? Fantastic. The extra-short shorts and sweater preferred by 1980s Harrison Ford and modern-day Donald Glover? Even better. The most iconic version of the outfit is the bike shorts and a crewneck that Princess Di effortlessly perfected in the 90s, and wow, does it hold up.
Shorts and a sweatshirt is the endgame for me. I dream of a future where I’m retired in whichever Italian villa will have me, sipping cappuccinos in shorts and a sweatshirt until the clock runs out. Shorts and a sweatshirt is my muse, my north star.
But for now, here in the Southeast, shorts and a sweatshirt weather is a brief visitor in my life. Soon it’ll be so hot and humid you start sweating before you can even towel off in the shower. So I encourage you to savor these days while they’re here, and enjoy them in the superlative outfit: shorts and a sweatshirt.